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In 1990 I was diagnosed with severe depression and w/ panic attacks. I was prescribed klonopin. At first, i took as directed then i began having alot of anticipory anxiety which led to more pill use. I would go through a 30 day supply in two days or less. Which led to forging scripts,daily trips to emergency rooms or doctors offices.
I would make up stories,ie; i was being abused by spouse,he pushed me down the steps, you name it i had it or it had happened to me. I would look up in a medical book, symptoms and would fake them to get the pills i wanted. This worked for about 7 years. then i began stealing while on the pills to get more pills.
I did alot of unspeakble things that im not proud of, alot i don't remeber. in a really bad spot. I had been in and out of jail for the last year i was using, for forgery,theft and was even picked up when i had my children with me. The last time i was arrested was for theft in the second degree and was in jail for three and half months. |
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In the last year of my addicion, i was in out of jail numerous times for forging scripts, but each time i was bailed out by my family.Until my last arrest in 2005, I was on three different types of pills, vicoden,addarol& klonopin, all of them forged of corse, i walked into a department store and began shoplifting, i thought i had only been in the store for about 30 minutes, but was told later i was in the store for 2 hours and that i was stuffing merchandise into bags and then attempted to walk out of the department store, shopping cart and all.
I then was stopped by a police officer in the parking lot and was sent to jail. I thought i would be bailed out like all the other times before, but this time was different, i had hurt too many people for too long, i sat in jail for three and half monthes. While i was in jail, my husband filed for divorce & got custody of the children. My family was tired of the lies and let me sit in jail for 3 monthes, to think about all the people i had hurt and to finally take responsibility for my poor choices.
I had alot of time to think about all i had done and all the people i had hurt, especially my children. My addiction took me down so far i was ready to try anything to get the help that i needed. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, but i didn't know how to live without the pills. I was accepted into a very strict drug program and was sent to treatment straight from jail.
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I went to a 30 day impatient program and when i completed the thirty days, i went into another impatient program for 90 days. from there i went to a half way house for three monthes and then to an oxford house, which i'm still residing to this day. |
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Be honest no matter what, talk about how you are feeling. Don't run from your problems or your fears, don't try to cover them up with alcohol or drugs. Your problems and fears don't go away, they just get pushed down for awhile and they do return, usually ten fold. I wasted nearly all my life running and tring to numb my feelings with drugs and alcohol.
I lost my life , my freedom, my children . Please don't let this happen to you or someone you love. Its an awful way to go through life and its very lonely. Addiction doesn't discriminate, young or old, rich or poor, black or white. Drugs will take over every aspect of your life and they will lead you down the road of jails, institutions and/or death.
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